How Did I Get Here?

The summer of my 47th year started out like any other.  Kids’ activities, vacations, work, projects around the house, etc.  Everything was status quo until the day I started drinking a little too early.  The sun was out, the pool was warm and I had a pack of some new spiked sparkling water to “try out”.  I could tell by the look on my husband’s face that he was thinking this wasn’t the best idea, but I assured him I would be careful and take it easy.  Fast forward to many hours later, when an old friend dropped me back at home after a girls’ dinner and I’m not really sure what happened.  I’ve learned since that all three kids and husband had a front row seat to my extreme shit-faced return.  At some point, I was drinking vodka from the bottle.

The next morning came the long overdue ultimatum from my husband.  I probably shouldn’t call it an ultimatum, as he basically told me our marriage was over and I needed to plan on how to handle life as a single person.  I was so hung over, I don’t think I processed what he was saying until later.  I spent my day on the phone with my work sponsored EAP and the rehab hospital near my house.  By sheer luck, they had an opening in there outpatient program.  By the time my husband got home from work, I had a plan of action to get sober once and for all (full disclosure – we had all heard this before).  He was non-committal but agreed to at least let me give it a shot.

This was July 24, 2017 and I’ve been sober since.  Our relationship has improved dramatically and I am grateful.  Our kids know about my disease and the steps I’ve taken, and have been great about the process.  A select handful of friends and acquaintances know.  Some have been supportive, some have not.

Every day I think about how this could have ended.  It’s that thought that keeps me as far away from alcohol as possible.  But, I know I’m never out of the woods.  All it would take is for me to have one drink and I’d be back in that deep, dark cycle of binge drinking,  temporary sobriety, binge drinking, temporary sobriety – you get the picture, right?

If you’ve found your way to my blog, thank you for reading.  I’m no expert at anything except drinking too much and blacking out!  What I am is a real example of middle-age female sobriety, even though, deep down, I am anxious, prone to depression, a world class procrastinator and struggle to be motivated to do most anything.  If I can give up a 30 year career in binge drinking/alcoholism, anyone can!

After almost a year sober, I’m ready to make some big changes in my life and writing is a great outlet for me.  Starting small, I gave up my beloved Diet Pepsi about two months ago.  Now on to bigger and better things…

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Maggie Yancey

Writer, Historian, Musician. Interdisciplinary alcohol scholar, gratefully recovering alcoholic, yogini beating an anxiety disorder. Warrior for hope.

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