I think the thing that surprised me the most about being sober was that I had no real sense of who I had been for the past 30 years. It was shocking to slowly realize how much I had missed, how much I had “checked out” and how much time I wasted. Its been 304 days and I’m still learning about myself and my relationships every day. Who am I as a person, a wife, a mother, a friend and an employee – the whole enchilada.
Looking back at the first few months of sobriety, I had the hardest time relating to my husband. Who had he been living with for all these years? I got the sense that he really didn’t like the “new” me, but, in retrospect, I was just projecting my shame and uncertainty. I didn’t know how to be a wife that didn’t drink. This is a huge daily focus for me. Today, things are much better and I am just amazed and grateful that he stuck around as long as he did.
I thought getting sober would be the hard part. It isn’t. Learning how to live sober and embrace the good and the bad without numbing it all is the real challenge.