Who Was I?

I think the thing that surprised me the most about being sober was that I had no real sense of who I had been for the past 30 years.  It was shocking to slowly realize how much I had missed, how much I had “checked out” and how much time I wasted.   Its been 304 days and I’m still learning about myself and my relationships every day.  Who am I as a person, a wife, a mother, a friend and an employee – the whole enchilada.

Looking back at the first few months of sobriety, I had the hardest time relating to my husband.  Who had he been living with for all these years?  I got the sense that he really didn’t like the “new” me, but, in retrospect, I was just projecting my shame and uncertainty.  I didn’t know how to be a wife that didn’t drink.  This is a huge daily focus for me.  Today, things are much better and I am just amazed and grateful that he stuck around as long as he did.

I thought getting sober would be the hard part.  It isn’t.  Learning how to live sober and embrace the good and the bad without numbing it all is the real challenge.