I think the thing that surprised me the most about being sober was that I had no real sense of who I had been for the past 30 years. It was shocking to slowly realize how much I had missed, how much I had “checked out” and how much time I wasted. Its been 304 days and I’m still learning about myself and my relationships every day. Who am I as a person, a wife, a mother, a friend and an employee – the whole enchilada.
Looking back at the first few months of sobriety, I had the hardest time relating to my husband. Who had he been living with for all these years? I got the sense that he really didn’t like the “new” me, but, in retrospect, I was just projecting my shame and uncertainty. I didn’t know how to be a wife that didn’t drink. This is a huge daily focus for me. Today, things are much better and I am just amazed and grateful that he stuck around as long as he did.
I thought getting sober would be the hard part. It isn’t. Learning how to live sober and embrace the good and the bad without numbing it all is the real challenge.
Yes, I agree, getting sober is one thing, but staying sober is a totally different animal. I too have felt like my husband doesn’t much like this new me. When he seems happy and relaxed and glad to be with me, I feel sort of surprised and relieved.
Glad to have found your blog!
Jen
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Thanks Jen! I appreciate the feedback.
-Heather
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