As I predicted in my previous post, yesterday was a very different kind of day. I’ve finally left that timid shell of myself behind and put some very positive, yet incredibly scary, changes in motion. The most uncomfortable step I have to take comes tomorrow and I can barely focus. I’m so far out of my comfort zone that I might not find my way back.
Not one to ever take advice when I should, I jumped into multiple changes with both feet. No small steps here. Is it a celebration of my sobriety or the manifestation of guilt for the 30 years I slurred and stumbled through? Perhaps it is both, but I’m just going to roll with it.
Anxious folks like me don’t do well with the unknown. I’m flooded with the “what ifs” and every worst case scenario I can dream up at 3am. So, my experiment during this transitional period will be to sit with these feelings, meditate a bit, journal a bit more and push through while ignoring he nasty little voice in my head screaming “TRAIN WRECK AHEAD!”.
I clearly remember the phrase “you are not your thoughts” from rehab. I certainly hope they were right.