Ouch! My Ego Is Bruised.

As mentioned previously, I gave notice at work a week ago.  It was initially met with disbelief and pleas for me to reconsider (which, admittedly, was flattering).  Crazy how, once you confirm that you REALLY are leaving, the tone changes dramatically.  I am just a body filling a role that must be replaced.  A body that has disappointed so many, regardless of my reasons or their validity.  A body feeling guilty for the burden on those left behind to fill the gap until a replacement is found and brought up to speed.  In the end, regardless of how hard I tried or how well I performed, I will be replaced and erased.

If I could talk to my much younger self, I would tell her to find a career that is fulfilling.  Find a job that brings you joy.  Even a job that you might be good at won’t be right if you don’t have passion.  Find a way to incorporate your talents, skills and a true purpose.  Why do many of us have such a hard time with this?  I can’t be the only 40-something just now realizing that there IS more out there.

I could attribute this disconnect to so many things:  I’m a woman, I’m an alcoholic, I have low self-esteem, I have anxiety…  Time to stop finding excuses, live my life and find that joy.  Be a better example to my children so they don’t fall into the same rut.  Learn from my husband who found this magic even though he had no real role models or the advantages I did.  Time to be ME!

If you are reading this and think even for a second that your career was never right for you, think some more – you might be right.  Never fear – tomorrow is a new day!

 

2 thoughts on “Ouch! My Ego Is Bruised.

Add yours

  1. Good luck! What’s next? How will you stay sober without the structure of a job? My job is critical to me for that reason alone.

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    1. Hi there- Those are both EXCELLENT questions. I asked myself both of them (multiple times) before I gave notice at my job. The short answer is, for the summer anyway, I have three sets of tween/teen eyes watching my every move while I’m at home. They are fully apprised of my struggles and would definitely intervene if they saw me reach for a glass of wine. I’m also starting a home-based business and am really focusing on meditation and yoga. I’m hoping I can make this transition without relapsing!

      Like

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