Finding a New Tribe

people silhouette during sunset
Photo by Min An on

In the comments to my post yesterday, a particular sentence stood out.  It was: “Hope that you find your posse”.  The author must be psychic (or incredibly insightful)!

One of the big reasons I used to drink was to overcome my social anxiety.  I’m not at all comfortable around groups of people, even if I know some of them.  In more personal situations, I was a pretty terrible friend.  Alcohol took priority over many things and friendships were one of them.  The most problematic issue that lingers now is that I’m never sure that people will like me once they get to know me.  I’m damaged goods, I’m quirky and, of course, I can’t drink.  I live in an area of the U.S. that is overrun by craft breweries, mom and pop distilleries and small, boutique wineries.  Seriously, throw a rock from my porch and you’ll hit one.  Each and every one of my remaining friends seems to be a connoisseur of some kind of alcohol.  This “hobby” completely permeates the environment.

Yes, I met some very nice folks in my outpatient rehab program, but none of us connected on a long-term friendship level.

Yes, I tried AA.  Repeatedly.  Co-ed groups.  Female only groups.  Groups at homes.  Groups at churches.  Groups at restaurants.  I participated and the people I met were nice enough, but I never fit in (or let myself fit in).  I did find one group with promise, but quickly discovered that an estranged family member had joined two weeks prior.  I was never going to be able to share my story freely and without judgment.  It was crushing at the time.

Where does a married, forty-something work from home mom of tweens/teens make friends that will appreciate my sobriety and strangeness?

If you know, I’m all ears!


9 thoughts on “Finding a New Tribe

Add yours

  1. I live in a similar area. It’s all about alcohol. I’m pretty sure the locals here coined the phrase beer thirty. It’s difficult to stay sober surrounded by that mentality, but I think you are on the right track. We just need new friends. Hugs to you. 🤗

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s such a difficult situation to be in – I can relate to so much of what you are saying here. I also struggle with social anxiety and alcohol definitely eased that for me. My entire social circle was because of the craft beer scene that I was involved in where I live. All of my friends work for, own, or are involved in breweries and wineries in some other way. It’s been a challenge for me to find a new tribe and I took the leap and started my own sober Meetup group because none existed in my area. It was terrifying for me to do, really, truly terrifying – but I’m so glad that I took the leap. While it’s still small, and still scary sometimes, it’s getting so much easier and I’ve met a few fantastic women who were in need of the same thing. It sounds like you are continuing to try a number of different avenues, I would say keep it up – groups shift and evolve all the time, so what didn’t work once could potentially work in another way in the future. Only do what you are comfortable with, but I’ve learned that stepping outside of my box a bit has paid off in tremendous ways.

    Besides what you are already trying, just keep writing. Keep reading and responding to blogs. Jump on Instagram or Twitter (if you aren’t already there) – the recovery community is huge on social media, and so supportive. I’m surprised at the connections that I’ve been able to make just through online resources. While I feel that in person connection is extremely important, these online connections have been so helpful and in some cases, are leading to ‘in real life’ connections, too. I wish you the best in your journey and look forward to reading more! -Tracie

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the wonderful response!! I am amazed that you started your own Meetup – I wish I was that brave! There are a couple of sober Meetups in my area, but they don’t look very active. I did take the plunge and ask to join a local sober women’s FB group last week but they’ve not responded :(. I hadn’t thought about checking for groups on Instagram but will definitely do it now.

      I appreciate all the info and support / it means a lot!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Just FYI – I just sent you a message through your contact page. I heard a great podcast about community yesterday and thought of you. I sent the link in the contact. Have a great day!

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Powered by

Up ↑

Lifestyle Blog: living with fear & anxiety

A Lifestyle Blog and Podcast on Mental Health

I Didn't Want to Be a Mother

A Real Look at Life as a Mother

The Sisters of the Fey

Our circle is united by invisible threads of love that carry us when we’re weak and support us when we’re strong

Cauldrons and Cupcakes

Celebrating Life, Spirituality, Creativity and Kindness!

The Devil Drinks Vodka

A mom, wife and professional's journey on recovering from addiction

Midlife Melodies

Identifying self, hope, happiness, struggles and blessings.

Recovery river

Practical Lessons for Everyday Life

San Diego Writers and Editors Guild

Dedicated to supporting local authors since 1979

WordCamp San Diego 2018

14-15 April 2018 // San Diego City College

No Wine I'm Fine

An alcoholfree journey in New Zealand with a twist

Writer of Words, etc

Words, food, thoughts, sports


Beauty Blogger + Lifestyle Blogger+ Food Blogger+ Travel Blogger+ Recipe Blogger

Guinevere Gets Sober

When Getting Sober Is The Easiest Part...

A hangover free life

Waking up to the sobering reality that booze is the problem not the solution

miss mephistopheles

Satan Is A Lady


When Getting Sober Is The Easiest Part...

Navigate My Recovery

Solutions For Better Living

Out of Hiding

My journey through depression and alcoholism.

Maybe I'll Shower Today

The musings of one dirty mama

The UhOh Diaries

Because life doesn't always go the way you planned.

My Vantage Point

navigating life with a vagina


Trying to ace sober living

Musings Of A Crazy Cat Lady

The personal and professional ramblings of a supposedly middle aged crazy cat lady


The beginning of my journey to sobriety, health, and happiness

Snarky in the Suburbs

Middle aged, Uncool and Not Bringing Sexy Back

Truly Madly Ordinary

Stories From The Heart.Emotions,and adventures of an Italian woman in Ireland

But I Smile Anyway...

Musings and memories, words and wisdom... of a working family woman

in pathless woods

seeking peace, purpose, and growth

Living A Sober Life

A Site Focused on God and Recovery

My Story

A Place to be Mindful a Place to Heal

800 Recovery Hub Blog

Written by people in recovery for people in recovery

Insights Of A Bipolar Rambler

Addiction, Mental Health, Support, Stigma, Chronic Illness and everything in between.

Discovering Your Happiness

Your mind is powerful, it can heal you as much as it can harm you.

Sober Momma

Taking sobriety one temper tantrum at a time...

Hidden Positives

"In a gentle way, you can shake the world" ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Recovery Unsensored

Alone we don't stand a chance, but together we can change the world


A way to exchange

Autumn Aquarius Adventures

Travel adventures by Jamie

The Witch & Walnut



learning how to be okayish again, one booze-free day at a time

Brilliant Sanity

A Quest for Radical Acceptance

Recover Urself

life on the sober side

Maggie Yancey

Writer, Historian, Musician. Interdisciplinary alcohol scholar, gratefully recovering alcoholic, yogini beating an anxiety disorder. Warrior for hope.

%d bloggers like this: