Mommy Issues

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From the moment I found out I was pregnant with my first baby, I had some pretty clear “Mommy Goals”. :

  1. Raise empowered, independent, resilient, happy, and empathetic children.
  2. Love them unconditionally.
  3. Always have an open line of communication.
  4. Don’t turn into my own mother.

Number four sounds awful doesn’t it?  It feels so unnatural to put it in writing but it is SO TRUE!  This week, I’m going to have some one-on-one time with my mother, who is a huge trigger when it comes to my alcoholism.  I’m looking upon our time together with immense dread.

To the casual observer, my mother seems great.  At times, she can be sweet, generous and engaging.  As she has gotten older, these times have really dwindled.  She is now mostly an isolated, physically ill woman who never got the mental health intervention she so desperately needed.  Her story is too long for today, but I’ll say that her aversion to doctors has left her so sick she can barely breathe or walk.  She finally agreed to go see the doctor tomorrow (hence our one-on-one time as I will be her driver) only because her declining health is threatening her living situation.

Deep down, I know that tomorrow will likely be just the beginning of doctor appointments she won’t want to attend, medications she won’t want to take and maybe even a hospitalization she will fight.  If/when I try to help, she’ll turn on me, fight with me, and blame me for all her troubles, though they have nothing to do with me.  Cue the immense dread from a previous paragraph.

I try every day to be the polar opposite of my mother.  I hope I can muster enough strength to not emulate her tomorrow.

To all of you with loving, healthy relationships with your mother, call them NOW.  Thank them and tell them how much you appreciate and love them  You are incredibly blessed.

 

2 thoughts on “Mommy Issues

Add yours

  1. No one has a perfect scenario… believe me… NO ONE. Our mothers bring their own issues to the Parenting Party….. If you see something that seems better than your relationship, it’s quite possible there was a lot of work that went into making that happen.

    appreciate it is not going to be an easy part of the journey with your mother now… or maybe even harder than it’s been… Mine too was complicated, and the last few years were a decline into dementia. It was a journey and a half, but at the same time … I made an effort to be more Mindful and more Accepting of her. I had to work at not reacting to the buttons that were pushed .. and then as the fog and layers of the disease took hold, the buttons were no longer being pushed … and there were still beautiful parts of her that I came to appreciate. And being the one whom went thorugh her beloved treasured memories, which she had hidden from us, during the final descent, I saw someone I loved, who I was born to, and who was a complex HUMAN BEING … and I came to find peace with the parts of her that were so unloveable. And came to love her completely. You will see your own mother become such a vulnerable person – and I wish you a safe journey into this unchartered territory you are now beginning to walk.

    Liked by 1 person

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