Difficult Conversations

I am not a fan of difficult conversations.  Anxiety breeds too much chaos in my  mind and body before I even begin such discussions.  By the time the subject and I are together, I’m a ball of nerves.  The subject matter is irrelevant.  It happens every time.

I used to drink to quell the butterflies sometimes before, occasionally during and always after.  That just can’t happen anymore.  Especially with the conversation I need to have with my mother today.  Cue the anxiety, the butterflies and maybe even some nausea.

After her release from a 10-day hospital stay and now three days at home, the time has come to present some rather harsh realities to my mom.  After ignoring her health and finances for 20 plus years, she will now have medical bills she can’t afford, even with State assistance.  Her health is such that I don’t know if she can ever be truly independent again.  I can cook and bring her food, but I can’t care for her each day, every day.  I can drive her to appointments, but will need to be present during each doctor visit, as she doesn’t tell the doctors, or me, the truth.  Ever.  I can pick up and deliver her prescriptions, but have no idea if she’ll actually take them.  I don’t have room in my house for her to live here.  I don’t have the income to supplement hers (remember that job I just left and business I’m trying to start?).  I can help her navigate social services, but they will only let me do so much.  She desperately needs to let me help manage her dwindling bank account, but she will be angry.

My mom’s classic reaction to ANY difficult conversation is defensiveness, blame and lashing out with the most painful and wild accusations one could imagine.  I’ll be honest, I’m too drained right now to deal with this sort of nonsense and don’t have high hopes for this afternoon.  I am so angry that she has let herself come to this and, frankly, she seems to be enjoying having me wait on her.  At what point in a toxic relationship is it just too much?  At what point are we not responsible for our parents?

This too shall pass (as I’m reminded by some kind readers).  Unfortunately, today, it is like a boulder crushing my soul.

4 thoughts on “Difficult Conversations

Add yours

  1. Thinking of you. My therapist tells me that at no point is my mother my responsibility, but it’s a tough thing to consider when you are an only child. I hope things are a bit better this weekend. (Another delayed comment – I’m so behind on blog reading!)

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Powered by WordPress.com.

Up ↑

Lifestyle Blog: living with fear & anxiety

A Lifestyle Blog and Podcast on Mental Health

I Didn't Want to Be a Mother

A Real Look at Life as a Mother

The Sisters of the Fey

Our circle is united by invisible threads of love that carry us when we’re weak and supports us when we’re strong

Cauldrons and Cupcakes

Celebrating Life, Spirituality, Creativity and Kindness!

The Devil Drinks Vodka

A mom, wife and professional's journey on recovering from addiction

Midlife Melodies

Identifying self, hope, happiness, struggles and blessings.

Recovery river

The Journey We Take Together

San Diego Writers and Editors Guild

Dedicated to supporting local authors since 1979

WordCamp San Diego 2018

14-15 April 2018 // San Diego City College

No Wine I'm Fine

An alcoholfree journey in New Zealand with a twist

Writer of Words, etc

Words, food, thoughts, sports

lifesfinewhine

Beauty Blogger + Lifestyle Blogger+ Food Blogger+ Travel Blogger+ Recipe Blogger

Guinevere Gets Sober

When Getting Sober Is The Easiest Part...

A hangover free life

Waking up to the sobering reality that booze is the problem not the solution

Happy Mentality

My journey from anxiety & depression to a positive life ❤

miss mephistopheles

Satan Is A Lady

From Wine to Fine

Sobriety. Serenity. Strength.

Blog - HIP SOBRIETY

When Getting Sober Is The Easiest Part...

Navigate My Recovery

Solutions For Better Living

Out of Hiding

My journey through depression and alcoholism.

Maybe I'll Shower Today

The musings of one dirty mama

The UhOh Diaries

Because life doesn't always go the way you planned.

ainsobriety

Trying to ace sober living

Musings Of A Crazy Cat Lady

The personal and professional ramblings of a supposedly middle aged crazy cat lady

Thesoberstylist

The beginning of my journey to sobriety, health, and happiness

Snarky in the Suburbs

Middle aged, Uncool and Not Bringing Sexy Back

Truly Madly Ordinary

Stories From The Heart.Emotions,and adventures of an Italian woman in Ireland

But I Smile Anyway...

Musings and memories, words and wisdom... of a working family woman

in pathless woods

seeking peace, purpose, and growth

Living A Sober Life

A Site Focused on God and Recovery

My Story

A Place to be Mindful a Place to Heal

800 Recovery Hub Blog

Written by people in recovery for people in recovery

Insights Of A Bipolar Rambler

Addiction, Mental Health, Support, Stigma, Chronic Illness and everything in between.

Discovering Your Happiness

Your mind is powerful, it can heal you as much as it can harm you.

livingthetide.blog

An Honest experience with bipolar disorder

Sober Momma

Taking sobriety one temper tantrum at a time...

Hidden Positives

"In a gentle way, you can shake the world" ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Recovery Unsensored

Alone we don't stand a chance, but together we can change the world

Swimmers

A way to exchange

Autumn Aquarius Adventures

Travel adventures by Jamie

The Witch & Walnut

* THE SLAVIC WITCH * BALKAN & EASTERN EUROPEAN WITCHCRAFT *

okayishness

learning how to be okayish again, one booze-free day at a time

Brilliant Sanity

A Quest for Radical Acceptance

%d bloggers like this: