Day 414 of sobriety and I can barely muster a blog post. I think back to my first days of sobriety, in my Intensive Outpatient Program, and distinctly remember my new found mantra: “A year from today, I will be a whole new person”. I had so many ideas and goals, but very few have materialized.
I really did think that sobriety was THE issue in my life to resolve. Once the alcohol dried up, everything else would just fall into place. Oh, how I wish that were true.
The truth is, at Day 414, I’m a sober woman, mother and wife that has no idea what she’s doing. The business I left my full-time job for is proving nearly impossible. Caring for my sick mother makes my days unpredictable. My social circle continues to dwindle as friends and acquaintances all seem to drink more and more. I’m not sleeping and I’m really not pleasant to be around much of the time because I am both exhausted and lost.
It is so hard to be the person you are meant be, when you’ve spent 30 + years drinking her away. If you are reading this and struggle with alcohol addiction, do whatever you can to stop drinking NOW. Don’t wait until you are knocking on the door to 50 and your kids are in their teens. Don’t drink these years away like I did.
I will make my way through this time of chaos and change. For me, for my children and for my husband. Love is really the best thing going right now.