Day 414 – Shouldn’t I Be Fixed By Now?

Day 414 of sobriety and I can barely muster a blog post.  I think back to my first days of sobriety, in my Intensive Outpatient Program, and distinctly remember my new found mantra: “A year from today, I will be a whole new person”.  I had so many ideas and goals, but very few have materialized.

I really did think that sobriety was THE issue in my life to resolve.  Once the alcohol dried up, everything else would just fall into place.  Oh, how I wish that were true.

The truth is, at Day 414, I’m a sober woman, mother and wife that has no idea what she’s doing.  The business I left my full-time job for is proving nearly impossible.  Caring for my sick mother makes my days unpredictable.  My social circle continues to dwindle as friends and acquaintances all seem to drink more and more.  I’m not sleeping and I’m really not pleasant to be around much of the time because I am both exhausted and lost.

It is so hard to be the person you are meant be, when you’ve spent 30 + years drinking her away.  If you are reading this and struggle with alcohol addiction, do whatever you can to stop drinking NOW.  Don’t wait until you are knocking on the door to 50 and your kids are in their teens.  Don’t drink these years away like I did.

I will make my way through this time of chaos and change.  For me, for my children and for my husband.  Love is really the best thing going right now.

3 thoughts on “Day 414 – Shouldn’t I Be Fixed By Now?

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  1. Sending so much love your way, my friend. Be patient with yourself. You may feel like you are drowning and a bit lost, but you are a changed person – you are doing everything with a clear head. Keep moving forward and believe that you will get to a place where things are clearer and don’t feel so muddled. I keep going through this. Some days I am so proud of where I am after getting sober and then other days I feel completely stuck. The business may be a struggle right now, but it’s all still so new. At least you were brave and made a change – I have yet to make that step. I admire what you’ve done and continue to endure – whether you realize it or not, you are an inspiration.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You are fantastic. AF for over one whole year! You can be so proud of yourself. I quit 999 days ago aged 56. Having to learn to cope with life’s upsets without numbing, This takes years,But it is so worth it; hope you have someone to share the fun of notdrinking with. That helps too. Love

    Liked by 1 person

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