It’s Not You, It’s Me

On day 463 of sobriety, I discovered that our last really good “couple friends” were ghosting us. Yes, they still drink (sometimes too much), but we loved hanging out with them. We’ve vacationed together. Watched our kids grow up. Shared our deepest secrets and dreams. I am incredibly sad.

I know I saw this coming. They love all things brewery and winery. They are infinitely more social than me or my husband. It still sucks.

Our daughters are still BFFs and we still carpool to school each day. It’s bound to become increasingly awkward.

This made me stop and wonder about myself as a sober person. Am I unbearable? Am I no fun? Ugh. The anxiety really ramps these thoughts right up. I’m spinning like you wouldn’t believe.

Funny thing is…my husband and I are getting along SO well. So much love and kindness between the two of us now, more than I remember for many years. My kids are thriving. Grades are up and the teen girl is confiding in me (insert large grin right here!).

I’m already grieving the loss of these friends but I am so grateful for the happiness and connection in my home. I have to think that somewhere, hopefully not to far away, are some new friends that like me at my most sober.

3 thoughts on “It’s Not You, It’s Me

Add yours

  1. a very heartfelt and honest post.. it’s not you, btw,,,, you can’t control how others think or perceive things. have you read Byron Katie’s thoughts on ‘Loving What Is’? very helpful for situations like this.


  2. I am sorry that is happening with your friends – and that is definitely on them and has nothing to do with you. Maybe they’ll come around one day, and maybe they won’t. You are such an amazing woman and will find this again with others who can appreciate the sobriety. I understand what you are going through, I’ve experienced it on a number of levels with friends as all of our closest friends are about nothing but breweries and alcohol related events – and I know that this must really hurt, and I’m so sorry for that. I’ve also grown closer to my husband and that part has been such a nice experience, and I’m so glad that you two have each other. Thinking of you on this, my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

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Maggie Yancey

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