Holiday Party Horror Story – The Days After

It took me a few days to process the party I attended last Saturday.  I really wasn’t sure how I felt about the whole experience.

From my last post, you’ll know that I was dreading this event for a few reasons (sobriety, social anxiety, tense interpersonal relationships…you know, the good stuff!).  I’m happy to report that I emerged from the party relatively unscathed.

It wasn’t easy.  There were about 100 people in attendance.  I knew many of them.  Unfortunately, a large contingent were the moms from my kids’ schools that had never worked (while I worked full time) and spent inordinate amounts of times on campus, at team sports and social events, catering to their children’s every whim and need.  Yes, the Helicopter Mom Brigade was there in force.  Nothing like some unresolved mom guilt to jump start my social anxiety with a bang!

The hostess was pleasant, but guarded.  Things are still tense and I’m not sure my attending this event did any good.  Our couple friends (that recently began to ghost us) came with us, as I am now an excellent DD.  It was nice to see them, but things definitely won’t ever be the same.  Man, this makes me SAD.  I had a lot trouble with this at the party, but did my best to work through it.

The alcohol was flowing and I may have been one of two or three people abstaining.  That part really didn’t bother me as much as I expected.  Well, until I was trying to leave, and my three drunk charges wouldn’t leave.  It was a late night.

I did end up having some fun.  I got to see a few people I do enjoy and ate some of my favorite holiday treats.  

In the end, I feel like I’ll always be an outsider with almost everyone I’ve socialized with in my adult life.  Everyone I know, with rare exception, is so reliant upon alcohol to have a good time, that I am a true oddball.  This seems to be extending to my husband sometimes too!  After years of babysitting me, his drinking in social situations is increasing of late.  I didn’t expect that.  Not sure how to approach this, if at all.

Most surprisingly, I have no desire to drink.  Admittedly, I am feeling isolated, lonely and a bit sad, but the thought of drinking really holds no allure.  For this, I am grateful.  The most important thing I can be, for myself, my husband and my children, is sober.

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Maggie Yancey

Writer, Historian, Musician. Interdisciplinary alcohol scholar, gratefully recovering alcoholic, yogini beating an anxiety disorder. Warrior for hope.

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